Being a mother, becoming a doula, knitting, charity and the life that happens in-between.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

When home is different than you remember.

It didn't quite happen suddenly that going back to "The Eau" was different, it snuck up on me, one small thing at a time. First it was Mom moving moving out, then a summer with only Dad in the house, and now the For Sale sign that really seems to almost haunt me while I'm there.

Many things are the same, Dad still spends most of my time home fixing my car.

The beach is still there, and the beach glass can still be found if you take your time. The boys love being there, but now spending their time between two places instead of the one stable place I've always called home.

With my job ending, and a bit of an identity crisis that you know I've been dealing with, a slip back into a depression that I haven't felt since after William was born, the change in going home just seems like icing on the cake.

I'm pretty sure that I'm searching for something that I may not find again, and how do you get over that?


Rosemary said...

Barbara: You have always been one of the strongest individuals that I have known. You can manage to make this a positive experience. Life moves in mysterious ways and people move on for reasons. Your life will change as you get older but now you have hit a difficult time that is hard to cope with. Your parent's made a decision that was "their" decision. You have no way of making that change. I remember when you were so excited about the Lake house and you have to remember the positive memories. It was probably a very difficult decision for your parent's to do but was necessary.
I am a great supporter of you from a distance but remember you have my address and the door is open for a visit any time. love R

Anonymous said...

touched by your posting. I'm in the saem boat... my mom is now on her own and my dad now lives in the house I grew up in, except it is beginning to not look quite the same way as I remembered.
Things in life changes, people change, places change, and all for a reason I suppose. But its a real challenege to find that reason sometimes.

pizzaeater said...

I was lost when my parent broke up after many years of marriage. I felt the same way. When they both remarried it seemed the depression I had felt returned. It did get better. Now I can look back and know that time does make it easier to accept.