Being a mother, becoming a doula, knitting, charity and the life that happens in-between.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Being okay with being done.

While struggling with all these identity issues these days while looking for a job I've also been struggling with letting go of wanting to have a third child. My dear husband has known for some time that two was enough and I have been rather adamant that two is "not my number" that there was something inside that I could not quiet saying "one more, three is your number."

I had a bit of an epiphany last week. For the first time, maybe ever, when a close friend told me she was expecting I didn't feel jealous, I was just happy for her. I didn't relate her news to something I wasn't doing or having, I just felt relieved that her journey was continuing in a way that she was more than ecstatic about.
This might seem like a small thing, but after feeling an empty womb syndrome for what seems like since the moment little man #2 was born, it was a big deal. I felt like a decision in my heart and my head had finally been made and I was okay with it.

I have two amazing boys, who are full of life and teach me something new everyday. I am working to become a doula and possibly a childbirth educator so I will ensure that I am able to help other woman and families through their journeys, but I feel now that it is their journey and not my own. I'm not sure the feeling of wanting more children ever quiet goes away, but being content with two feels more natural than it ever has before, and I'm celebrating that.

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