Being a mother, becoming a doula, knitting, charity and the life that happens in-between.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Yes I feel shame!

I feel shame for so many things. Little things like I’m not a good enough house cleaner to ever make a difference to my husband, and that I eat too much, to the larger things like I’m not fit enough to be a parent that and that my boys are going to end up in therapy at a young age because I’ve either messed them up or passed on the genes that will make then that way regardless of nurture.

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection. (From I Thought It Was Just Me But It Isn’t by Brene Brown)

I doubt myself every second of the day, at work, at home, with people I trust as my friends. I strive to please people who I doubt will be in my life even three years from now. I reply conversation in my head later wondering if I have offended someone, or said the wrong thing. I struggle to just “be” okay. To just enjoy those around me and the people who matter most. To see the differences in feeling shame for something and feeling bad about something I cannot control.

After an amazing conversation with a group of women that I only see but once a year, I was lead to find this book, and of course, that even ordered it immediately on my e-reader that evening. And while I’m only a few chapters in I can already feel the value that it holds for me, so much so that I bought three copies and gave them to women I value, and then bought three more, one of which I have left for a reader here!

It’s time to take back our imperfect lives, our imperfect selves and be okay with who we are, and value that in other women we see. It’s time to come from a place of empathy not sympathy and to recognize that while our struggles are different we have similarities that we can come together around.

So here is it, I’ve laid it all out! Leave a comment here and I will draw a winner on the 26th! Visit my Facebook page and enter there as well, if you win both you can share this journey with a friend! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear we are all in the same boat. However, you pull it off quite nicely.